Down Time

   So, for those of you who didn't know. I actually started another blog for my photography business, which you can get to by clicking here. I've been updating that on a fairly weekly basis so go check it out, it's got some neat stuff.

   That being said, since i've started my own business i've had a lot of... let's say, down time. At first i had multiple shoots every week, i was doing alright in the cash department, and I really felt like I was sitting pretty. Then senior portraits season ended and I pretty much didn't have anything else to fill my time. I got a job subcontracting with a company and helping them with their shoots, but even that has teetered out quite a bit. So i find myself at home, doing whatever I can to fill my time.
   At first I was super gung ho about getting my name out there and building business. But after multiple failed attempts at getting new clients I have to say I kinda gave up. Nothing seemed to be working. On top of that, my initial motivation began to drain away. I hit, it seemed, a slump that i could not get out of. There seemed to be an endless loop of negative things that continued to put more gas on the fire of motivationless laze with which my life was living. I must confess that my spiritual life took a beating. I stopped praying, reading my Bible, or even trying. I was upset that all my success had been ripped away (or so it seemed).
   This has gone on for a few weeks now, with only a couple of days here and there that have been life giving. And now i've finally started to apply for jobs. I was really hoping that my business would sustain me since I have way more joy when i've got photography work. Now I'm facing a reality of putting food on the table and keeping the rent coming. All the while I have been, sometimes purposefully it seems, separating my self from God. It's amazing to me how i can "know" the Bible and "know" truths about God and who He is and the way he does things, but as soon as hardship comes, all that goes out the window and I pout like a spoiled child.
   So why write this post? Well because I'm still in the middle of it all. It's still hard to wake up in the morning. It's hard to do anything except watch youtube videos and eat food and sleep. A dark cloud has settled over my mind and I can't seem to shake it. And honeslty i don't know why i'm writing this in my blog, it's not exactly something I want everyone to know. But I process well when I write, and I'm social so I guess it makes sense. Also, I'm hoping that this is the first step to getting out of this funk. I want to be a man who provides for his family and is spiritually stable and stands firm through the storm. Not some mamby pamby who gets tossed about by a summer breeze. So I'll keep you posted on what happens. My goals are to 1) read Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald, a book which so far has been excellent, 2) get my time budgeted out on a calendar so i can reference it, 3) Have daily time with the Lord, 4) Work out 3-4 times a week.

Ok Justin out.

A Long Time Ago....

     A long time ago, (and what seems to have been a galaxy far far away) i boldly said that i was going to try and update this blog weekly. That was literally 3 years ago, and it's been two years since my last post. To those of you faithful few that have decided to "follow" this blog, i apologize. I have not been a man of my word.  As it turns out, however, I process rather well when I write, and speak, and process... 'nough said. As such i've decided to (tentatively) re-take up my challenge, and attempt blogging once more.

To start, lets get to know me a bit. Even those of you who've known me for a while are probably out of date with my life. Firstly I'm 25 years old now. I've been married four years. I've accomplished the unthinkable and graduated college (with a B.A. in Youth Ministry). CCU is now a fond memory, rather than an infrastructure of life. Currently I "pastor" a small college group in lakewood, i'm starting a photography business, and yes, i still make the best coffee that will ever touch your lips. I live in Denver, CO. I love friendships, photography, video games, philosophy, theology, music, LIFE (not the magazine, those caps are for emphasis).


I'm an avid Whovian. I own all seasons of Psych on DVD. I keep up with Once Upon a Time, Castle, and a few others... all without owning a TV.

I am a nerd. I can tell you the history of Zelda, Halo, The Prince of Persia, Professor Layton, Kingdom Hearts, and a plethora of other nerdy, awesome things.

And though I am older, though I have accomplished much since my last post, i still struggle. There are things in my life which plague me, and have since I was a child. I would still rather play than work. I would rather talk, than do. I would rather laze, than respond. I still have a bit of the popsicle man in me (see older post). More than a bit at times.

I write this post not to say anything. Not yet. Just to inform you that I'm ready.

I'm ready to grow up now.

I'm ready to be a man.

I'm ready to know Him as I am fully known.

I'm ready for maturity, and responsibilities, and steadfastness, and wisdom, and depth, and peace that passes all understanding.

These things have all been promised to me, and i have said "not yet". I have been selfish. Childish. Scared. I have been held back by no one, save myself. All the times in my life which I have suffered the greatest, I can now turn around see myself with the whip. It's time to move on, to give up the things of this world which cling to me so heartily... and to which i cling to so desperately. "Everything that hinders", as the good St. Paul would say, must be thrown off. Not carefully put aside, ready to pick back up at a moments notice; but cast away, out the 13th story window, to crash to the ground, that I may move on. This post, this blog, is a first step toward accepting the things that I have put aside for so long, and must now, with weak arms and fatigued muscles, take up. It's time to burn the popsicle man.

I'm ready.

Justin T. Suits